So this is going to be a pessimistic/negative/looser post. If you are feel warm and cuddly or (insert positive feelings here) inside I suggest you to blink your eyes rapidly this instance. Between the blinks, slowly but carefully hover your cursor to the big x button above. Say hallelujah a few times (I suggest 6 times) and slap yourself in the thigh. Then click the button. You are safe for now.
Or you can just read the entry anyway.
Being a socially awkward guy, I harbored a lot of feelings to a lot of girls throughout my life, and as you've guessed it, I am not good at sharing my feelings and thoughts with her.
As the internet community would suggest, I am a foreveraloneguy.jpg/nerd/lame racoon/looooser.
But you know ah, even though I am shy tahap freddy mercury ultra reversed facepalm, I am faithful punya ok??? I dont do mental gf shopping, if you know what I mean.
So back to the story, I am going to reveal the girls that I like throughout my 23 years of life.
But dont expect me to reveal the names bulat bulat lah, still need to jaga their air muka and my ego okk???
ok??
Okay........ say say...hardo gayyy desu foooooooooooo!
GIRL 1:
This is my first ever crush that I do not know I had a crush on until many years later. She was from my local temple, and I remembered looking forward to Fridays (and the first and the 15th of the lunar month) as these were the only days I could meet her.
She is 3~4 years my senior and rather attractive according to my 9 year old in me. She is tall, soft spoken, has defined facial features and to sum it up, a total girl-next-door.
Every time when I am at the temple I would strike up a lot of courage just to get close to her, and during good days we even talked. I am very sure she treated me nothing more as a little friend but she meant the whole world to me at that time.
One things for sure, it is not love I am experiencing that time, but the feeling of being in the middle of the attention is all Im after, with a dash of puppy crush. She is, after all, quite popular within the boys in the temple.
It was all fun and games until the sect decided to dissolve itelf into smaller groups, and this is when I do not see her again. Even until today.
GIRL 2:
This is the most electrifying, nerve-wrecking, heart crunching, esteem crushing, life changing, and most damaging experience I had ever encountered in my entire life. I would darely say her very own image has been embedded right into my subconscious mind, much like how Mal was in Dom's mind (insert INCEPTION bwahhhh sound effect).
She is a real looker, and boy does she looked good and attractive as hell. I remembered most of my guy friends were head over heels for her, and growing up around her is not easy when your hormones start to fire up (curse you Puberty!!!! Nooooooo). Very hard to 'jaga' the eyes I tell you, If you know what I mean.
Our every day-to-day life between my friends that time is to see who gets her attention first, who managed to make her smile, laugh or however the case a young boy will do to earn a girl's attention.
Don't know If this sounds like a brag, but I think I win most of the time. She always talked to me, stay closed to me, hang out with me, and randomly throw cute and mixed bodily contact (nothing sexual or this will be a case of child porn) to me. And she always called me just to chat, how cute! Life during that time was a total bliss.
Stupid thing is, my puberty brain came out with a very stupid formula:
(girl you like - attention that you should give her = she is attracted to you more)
and therefore I ignored her a lot, not in a bad way, but more of a "meh," way (deep inside I was batshit crazy to get close to her more).
It was pretty effective but as you all know, humans learn very quickly and you won't do something further if you get no result. But I am still too daft and stupid to realize and kept ignoring her.
Until she got a boyfriend.
Hancur berkecai hatiku!!! Stone cold steve austin will even get shock if he heard my heart jatuh to the ground.
Fortunately we still keep in touch on and off. What hurt me most is when I realize (believe it or not, it was sometime last year) the teenage me was so egoistic and daft to pick up the fine language of attraction wafted to me. I blew my perfect chance.
After many moons since I flew across the pond and as expected, the connection died. Recovering the friendship will be almost futile as even the most basic of an online chat is already very dry and awkward.
This girl changed who I was, to who I am today.
I was very chatty before and can talk to any girls, or even anyone. But now I am so reserved and quiet that even my mum asks me to frame myself up so I can be a trophy on the wall. You could say it is the guilt of not appreciating the chance of treating her better that made me this way.
If I can just treat her better, or better still kick the ass out of my teenage self, things will be much better today.
But I must thank Girl#2 as through her I finally understand myself a little bit better.
Thank you If you are reading this, If you know who you are.
GIRL 3:
We never really talk, and we only meet during our tuition session.
She is one of those classier girls (her family's financial background is very strong) and she indeed behaves like one; quiet, elegant, and needless to say very pretty. Like a magnolia in May.
I remembered that I always tried to take a glimpse of her throughout the tuition session, but never talked to her as I am already starting to get really quiet (refer GIRL #2 post above).
Fortunately, the we can have the freedom to choose wherever we want to sit during the tuition, but funny thing is I never tried to sit close to her.
Until one day she decided to sit next to me.
Of all the space she could take on the table, she decided to invade into my area, leaning slightly towards me.
Needless to say, the 3 hour session I got a nervous breakdown. Sweat keep rolling down my face and I was nervous like hell. I could not solve anything that my teacher gave me that night. My hand froze and my mind froze. But she buat tak tahu jer. She kept her cool. I can't remember what I did but I'm pretty sure she wasn't please with it.
After that day, things resumed as usual, with her sitting somewhere within my view, but not as close anymore.
I can see you smacking your forehead right now and saying "what the hell have I just read?!".
GIRL 4:
She is very similar to Girl #3 and I met her during my tuition also (different from where I met Girl#3).
Every guy in the class always talked and joked with her. Every time I see her, she is never alone. There is always a guy seated next to her, talking and joking to her. In short, very popular.
As usual, I stayed aloof and quiet, never tried to talk to her.
Until one day I decided to go to the toilet. To help you better understand the story I have to let you know that the boys toilet is down the hallway and the girls toilet is to the right. So when guys have to go to the loo they have to pass by the girls toilet first.
So I came out from the guys toilet after the usual, and there is this kid who ran so fast towards me without even realizing I am in his way. Without thinking much, I held both of my hands out (like how sumo wrestlers do before the contact) and shouted "beep beep". The little boy looked up and stopped just before he can run into my palms. He then yelled back "you stupid guy", like how every a 6 year old will do, and pushed me aside before dashing of to the toilet.
Right at that moment Girl#4 came out from the washroom and she saw everything, from the beep beep to the you stupid thing. I noticed her and I went:
Surprisingly she gave me a very beautiful smile and chuckled slightly. I replied with a half ass smiled and dashed back to my class.
Then from that day onward she will occasionally looked at me and smile. I sometimes buat tak tahu, but sometimes kena pula dia punya scan so have to smile back.
BUT... as you had and should already know, I never tried to talk to her. To be honest I was a little girl-phobic at this stage, because of Girl #2. But I start to develop feelings for her. Stupid I tell you!
Then came prom/graduation night (yes the tuition school actually organized it, how cool is that?). As usual, I tengah lepak alone near the tupperware juice dispenser as they had the tastiest fruit punch that night and I find myself got addicted to it.
Suddenly she pulled me and chained her arms to mine and dragged me to the dance floor. I was drinking and then I went PHTBBHTHTHTBBHSSHKKK. She did not say anything but dragged me to her girl friends and demanded them to take a photo of us. All the guys were not happy when they saw us taking photo together.
I got panicked as this is the closest encounter I ever had with a girl. We talked a little bit, and after a bit of "I is potato, I tarzan you jane, I is not crasy, I is has good manners", I excused myself as the pressure was too much. Fortunately some guys grabbed the baton (albeit forcingly) from me.
The night ended like that and I never saw her again. But thank you Girl #4 for giving me the attention.
Although this sounded like a cheesy romantic drama but it is real I tell you! This really happened ok?!!!! No pray pray!!
GIRL 5:
Same as Girl #1, I met girl 5 in my local temple. And this is the only girl whom I gave a bouquet during valentines day. It was meant to be a playful gift, but apparently everyone in the temple took this very seriously and even made fun of me.
I do not have serious feelings but seeing her attached to her mum 24/7 reminds me of myself. She is very filial and responsible, and she is just the type of girl that every mum will approve of.
Ok lah, another half of the reason that she made it into this list is that she is tall and slender. I guess I am just attracted to tall girls. Oh, and her megawatt smile. Her smile can seriously relieve your stress and make you happy in an instance. Well, the good type of happy, not the naughty happy.
So I thought I can be a good sport by giving her a bouquet during valentines but things turned out really awkward from then on. We can't talk properly as before and everyone kept making fun of me.
As expected, the connection died when I flew here a few years ago.
But still I want to keep her in this list as she seriously is very down to earth and very lovable. Like Lia. LIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
GIRL 6:
This girl is the daughter of my mother's employer and like any cheesy romantic comedy out there, the daughter of a boss is very attractive and I can relate why those screenwriters kept recycling this formula.
She is the tallest among all the girls I've ever met (a forehead taller than me), and the spiciest among the 6. Well yes, her face may be buried under 3 layers of bobbi browns but her make up kung fu is very good I'm afraid.
I had a chance encounter with her when her dad is out on a 2 day business trip here. Initially when my mum asked me to bring her around KL for a look see trip, I refused!
I pictured her as a nerdy teenage girl as I've seen her dad a few times and yeah, her dad was kind of chinaman-nerdy, so his daughter must be nerdy right? Wohoooo I was so wrong there.
The nerdy teenage girl I had in mind turns out to be a 24 year old bombshell. My mind imploded as I met her for the first time when I brought my mum and her colleague to meet her dad for a dinner meeting.
She quickly introduced herself and talked to me throughout the dinner, as if we are old friends. Well, she do most of the talking where I just nod and replied with my close ended answer. My mind is still recovering from the implosion.
I then brought her out of the restaurant and drove to KLCC. Throughout the journey I was having a hard time concentrating on the road, as this is my first time driving with someone very attractive next to me.
Fortunately she is very good at conversation. We talked and she kept asking me questions. This calmed me down a little as things start to warm up.
I then brought her shopping around KLCC and this is when I got really confused. Ever see how a couple shop together? The gf will always ask the bf if the dress looked good on her, or if the bag matched her shoes. This is what she did! I was like okayyyyyyyy???????????!??? huhhh?????????? yeah it looked good on you.
Yes, It may be a case of shop-buddyzoned.
But what the hell I was enjoying every single minutes of it. Because she is very attractive, I caught a lot of guys checking her out. And then they checked ME out, wondering what the hell does this fugly nerd have that they don't. I am finally enjoying the feeling of bringing a hot girl out. The amount of attention that you get is just phenomenal!!!
We went out again the next day and I spent the whole day accompanying her. The best thing in life seems to go by in seconds and soon enough, she had to fly back to where she came from. I gave her my email add but realistically enough she never add me on Facebook.
Lol who wants a greasy meat for a friend anyway?!
Or I could possibly bore her to death with my extreme social anxiety disorder.
ANDDDD THERE YOU HAVE IT. ALL 6 OF THEM.
What a long and childish post. So sorry to waste your time. Just thought of sharing my thoughts with you.
If you read them all, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Oh, and happy birthday to Jeffu!!!!!!!! Yeayyy!!!!!!!!
